Wizards Don't Get Sick, Pregnant However
by Lola-Tenshi
Summary: Harry really needs to learn more about the wizarding world so he would stop ending up in these situations. DMHP Slash, Fluff, Crack, 8th year fic, Oneshot, and OOC.


Disclaimer: The Harry Potter franchise belongs to the wonderful J.K. Rowling, not me.

Warnings: Slash (M/M), crack, naive Harry, talk of STDs and Mpreg, a little bit of profanity, and a lot of OOC behavior. You have been warned.

Wordcount: Around 1250

Summary: Harry really needs to learn more about the wizarding world so he would stop ending up in these situations. DMHP, fluff, maybe even a little flangst, 8th year fic.

Author's Note: This is just a quick little one-shot that I thought of as I was waking up this morning. I hope to be able to post the next chapter of _Aekeis_ soon, however, I'm been very busy with college this semester.

**Wizards Don't Get Sick, Pregnant However . . . **

Harry let his eyes flutter close as he took several deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart. Beside him, he could hear Draco doing the same. They had just had mind-blowing sex, on a bed in the Room of Requirements. A fact that made Harry's mouth stretch into a grin, yet stain his face with a heavy blush. He was no longer a virgin.

As the Savior of the wizarding world, Harry hadn't time for relationships while Voldemort had been around. This had been proven after his ill-fated attempt at a relationship with Ginny. An attempt that would not be tried again.

Then, after the final battle at Hogwarts, Harry just hadn't felt confident in pursuing a relationship with anyone, and had focused on his studies. That is, until Draco Malfoy had barged in, throwing chaos into his finally calmed down life. Even then, Harry had been reluctant to turn their relationship into anything sexual.

Now he wasn't so sure what had made him cautious to begin with. Everything had been practically perfect, however . . .

"You didn't wear a condom." Harry stated, rolling over now that he could breathe properly.

Draco's brow furrowed, still facing the ceiling, "I didn't use a what?"

"A condom. You know, it's something used during sex, to prevent the two people from getting each other sick. Haven't you ever heard of STDs?"

Draco sighed, "Harry, you make it so blatantly obvious that you were raised by muggles, it's not funny. What are you bloody talking about?"

"You've never heard of an STD before?" Harry asked. "A sexually transmitted disease?"

"A what!" Draco laughed, turning his head to face Harry. "Are you telling me muggles get each other sick when they have sex!"

Harry frowned, poking Draco's side. "Not all the time, and it's not funny!"

Harry could just picture his aunt and uncle's reaction if they ever found out he had contracted an STD. He was sure the words 'slut' and 'whore', would only be the beginning of the insults. He didn't even want to picture Dudley's reactions.

Draco finally turned over, his laughter dying down as he became more serious. "Harry, you're not going to get an STD because we didn't use your "condom". You haven't noticed before how wizards get sick, have you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"When was the last time you got sick? Honestly sick, not as a result of a curse or a spell?" Draco asked.

Harry shook his head, he had always been a healthy child. Even in the winter, when all of the other kids in the neighborhood where getting colds or the flu, Harry had always remained in good health.

"It never happened, right? That's because of your magic. Wizards and witches don't get sick because our magic works with our immune systems to fight off illnesses that aren't caused by magic. Honestly Harry, did you imagine that as wizards got older, they were dying of pneumonia?"

Harry flushed, "I hadn't thought of that. I just didn't realize that our magic worked like this." He frowned then, as another thought occurred to him. "So, if wizards don't use condoms, what do witches do to prevent themselves from becoming pregnant? Is their a potion or charm?"

Draco half sat up, leaning on one of his elbows as he surveyed Harry in what could be seen as concern. "You didn't take a contraception potion?"

Harry snorted, "Of course not. I'm not a female, I can't get pregnant."

Draco sighed, "Oh, Harry. You're so naive. I should have known better than to assume you would know."

"Know what?" Harry asked, becoming concerned at Draco's words.

"In our world, it doesn't matter if you're a male or a female." Draco tutted, lifting a hand to comb through Harry's dark hair. "I should have checked with you, but I was sure you understood the risks."

"Draco, what are you talking about!" Harry was beginning to feel his stomach squirm with dreaded anticipation of what Draco was about to say.

"Harry, Love, wizards can get pregnant. It's how we survive, how we prevent ourselves from dying out. I thought you knew and had taking a contraception potion beforehand."

"Are you trying to tell me that I could be pregnant."

Draco nodded, sympathy plastered all over his face. "Don't worry though, I'll be here through the whole process. Our baby will be loved by both of its parents."

Harry watched as Draco put a hand on his stomach, rubbing circles as if he could already feel a baby kicking inside.

"Draco, tell me your joking. Wizards can't have babies! Where the hell is the baby suppose to come out?" Harry asked, panic starting to seep into his voice.

"Hey, there's no need to swear in front of the baby. You're going to end up being a bad influence on our children if you keep this up," Draco frowned. "Besides, what are you talking about? 'Wizards can't have babies.'

"What happens is around the beginning of the fifth month of pregnancy, the expecting wizard's balls disappear. Then an opening starts to form until it's ready for the baby's birth."

Harry felt his heart constrict. "Draco, that's really not funny. What do you mean, they disappear."

Draco shrugged, "I mean just that, they disappear. But don't worry, they come back a week or two after the baby is born."

Harry let his breath out in a shuddering gasp, panic starting to fully take over. If he was pregnant. . . Oh Merlin. He needed to find Hermione, she could help out somehow. Surely after all of the reading she's done over the years, she's read something about male pregnancies.

Practically jumping out of bed, Harry went in search for his clothes. As he was pulling on his pants, he muttered something aloud about finding Hermione, which then set Draco off again on another bout of hysteria.

"Harry, wait. Come back here. I was kidding, you're not pregnant," Draco grinned. He was sitting up now, letting the blankets pool in his lap. He held one hand out to Harry, the other ready to pull the blankets back so Harry could rejoin him. "While it is possible for a wizard to become pregnant, they need to take dozens of potions beforehand, and even more during the pregnancy. So, unless you're going to tell me that you have been taking all of these potions, you're not pregnant."

"Oh, thank Merlin!" Harry breathed a sigh of relief. Flopping back down on the bed, he closed his eyes for a minute as he let the panic slowly drain out of him. It wasn't until then that he turned to Draco.

"You jerk!" Harry admonished, punching Draco in the arm. "I can't believe you told me that."

"And I can't believe you fell for it. Really, Harry, the bodies of male wizards and male muggles aren't that different. Why would we be able to become pregnant without any special help, when it's impossible for muggles?"

"I don't know," Harry blushed. "But you're still a jerk."

"Love you too."

Harry rolled his eyes before climbing under the sheets. It was hardly his fault he grew up with muggles, having no knowledge whatsoever about the wizarding world. He'd have to talk to Hermione more often, maybe then he wouldn't seen so naïve.

The End

Read & Review Please!


End file.
